Christmas Complaints

Tis the season for holiday-themed movies and songs!  I'll admit I'm usually a sucker for Christmas music (particularly instrumental).  And I have a list of Christmas movies I watch every year.  However, there are some things that just don't work.  Here are some of my personal gripes with holiday pop culture.

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Why is Santa such a jerk in this movie?  He's perfectly fine with the other reindeer shunning Rudolph for his shiny red nose, even telling Donner he should be ashamed of himself because his offspring is defective.  He basically tells the head elf that the song all the elves sing for Santa sucks.  I get that by the end of the movie everyone has learned their lesson and accepts Rudolph.  Still, this Santa seems anything but jolly.

The Christmas Shoes
Schmaltzy and with a tune that gets stuck in your head, the worst thing about this song is that it doesn't even make any sense.  The little boy's mother is dying.  Why, then, is he out, BY HIMSELF, on Christmas Eve, with no money, trying to buy shoes?  So she looks beautiful for Jesus?  I'm pretty sure Jesus doesn't care.  Where is this kid's dad?  His other family members?  Do they even know where he is?  Also, what little boy knows his mother's shoe size?

It's a Wonderful Life
I love this movie, and I watch it every year, but one thing has always bothered me.  In the world without George Bailey, all sorts of things have gone wrong.  Potter has taken over Bedford Falls, George's little brother died as a child because George wasn't there to save him, the pharmacist accidentally poisoned a kid and served 20 years in jail, etc.  Then there's George's wife, Mary.  Her terrible alternate future is...she's single and works at the library!  The horror!  In a movie that is otherwise timeless, this is one part that just doesn't work when viewed through a more modern lens.

Santa Baby
In addition to the fact that the Madonna version makes my ears bleed, are we supposed to believe that Santa is sexy?  Or is it just that the narrator wants a whole lot of expensive junk and confused Santa for a sugar daddy?  Either way, anytime I hear this song in a store during the holiday season, I can't get out the door fast enough.  Surefire way to lose my business, so retailers, take note.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas
Judy Garland is the only person allowed to sing this song.  The end.