Forget Regret

The most important part of getting on with your life is learning to live without regrets.

Unfortunately, it's also one of the hardest.

Every day, we have to make decisions based on the knowledge and insights we have at the time. (For an analysis of choice and the human decision-making process, I recommend Jonah Lehrer's How We Decide. Truly a fascinating read).

Sadly, 20/20 hindsight is a powerful thing. I know I'm not alone when it comes to questioning choices I made and thinking about things I could have done differently.

Sometimes I look back and wish I had majored in something different in college, mostly because I think intellectual property law is fascinating, but I lack the science background necessary for the patent bar. I wish I had tried out more artistic extracurriculars in college, mostly because I would love to have a broader social network of college friends.

The interesting thing about regret, however, is that we only seem to have regrets about missed chances, about decisions that led to less favorable results. When things work out, it's much easier to just move on.

Take this attorney, who now regrets getting involved in a "baby selling" conspiracy. My first thought was, "Of course she regrets getting involved in something probably illegal! She got caught!" On second thought, I wondered, "Would she have these same regrets if she hadn't been caught?"

I think it's hard to say. It's true that you almost never hear about people harboring serious regrets over decisions that led to good things. It's probably also true that people rarely harbor regrets over questionable choices that worked out okay in the end. I'd like to think that most people (particularly attorneys) would feel guilty about breaking the law, but I'm not sure even that's 100% true.

In the end, however, bad choices and good choices are both choices. We can't know beforehand how things will turn out. Regret assumes that making some other decision would have led to a better result, and but we can hardly ever know that with any certainty.

I do know that I'm working on leaving the past in the past. I need to look forwards, not backwards. As Shakespeare would say, "What's gone and what's past help should be past grief."